Global Protests Against Draconian Education Cuts,

May 24, 2012 by The Nation

Global Protests Against Draconian Education Cuts,

Tuition Hikes

by Allison Kilkenny

Austerity protests have become part of the new global landscape, a reality underscored by a wave of recent protests in Philadelphia and Quebec.

Students marched through the streets of Montreal on Tuesday.

More than 1,000 people rallied Wednesday to protest the Philadelphia District’s plans to “transform schools,” a pleasant euphemism generally meaning school closures and mass layoffs. The Philly district plans to possibly lay off 2,700 blue-collar workers, including every member of SEIU B2BJ Local 1201, the city school union representing bus assistants, cleaners, mechanics and other workers.

Philly.com reports that all these workers have received pink slips and could be let go by the end of the year.

Eleven men and three women were arrested during Wednesday’s protest, including B2BJ president George Ricchezza, union health and welfare administrator Dennis Biondo and retired teachers Lisa Haver and Ronald Whitehorne, among others. They were later released and are to be arraigned in June.

The individuals were arrested for “clogging traffic,” according to a local CBS affiliate.

Earlier in the month, the school system announced that it expects to close forty public schools next year and sixty-four by 2017, shocking figures that received little national attention, prompting Black Agenda Report’s Bruce A. Dixon to publish an article titled, “Why Isn’t Closing 40 Philadelphia Public Schools National News?”

Philly.com:

Shannon Lane, a bus aide for 16 years, faces being laid off at the end of the year. She’s angry that “wealthy corporations aren’t being taxed fairly, and public schools are being cut.”

And she doesn’t like the plan.

“This is privatization,” Lane said. “Children will lose.”

Students’ being on the losing side of austerity has become something of a global theme, prompting a massive student-led backlash in Quebec that so terrified officials that the government essentially tried to ban protests.

Needless to say, this censorship strategy did not work.

For over 100 days now, protests have raged in response to Quebec Premier Jean Charest and his Liberal Party’s plans to raise tuition fees at universities by a whopping 82 percent, or $1,700, over five years, a move that would price many students out of an education.

The police have responded by making mass arrests. More than 300 protesters were arrested overnight on Sunday following the passage of the draconian law, Bill 78, that places restrictions on demonstrations and suspended classes at strike-bound universities, the AP reports.

Wednesday night, the mass arrests continued with police taking 400 people into custody, alleging that some protesters threw stones at officers following a large protest.

In perhaps the understatement of the century, the AP reports, “Rather than quelling the unrest, it appears to have made things worse for the embattled premier.”

A poll released this week by the Journal de Montreal showed an 18 percent shift in favor of the students.

Last night’s demonstration was the thirtieth mass demonstration since the protests began at Parc Emilie-Gamelin.

May 22 marked one of the largest protests ever to be recorded in Quebec’s history with anywhere between tens of thousands and hundreds of thousands of students taking to the streets, depending on the news sources.

Download Video as MP4The event also served as a demonstration of students’ ability to organize and defy the government’s attempt to stifle dissent.

Download Video as MP4Global Post:

Education Minister Michelle Courchesne said Wednesday she’s willing to speak with student groups, but warned they must be prepared to make concessions.

She’s not willing to eliminate the province’s proposed tuition hikes, according to The Canadian Press.

“I’m not giving up. I’m very tenacious, very determined,” she said, CP reported. “I want to talk to them, and it’s up to them to take some steps so that we might talk.”

If negotiations fail or are delayed, students warn they will continue protesting into the summer tourist season, potentially disrupting cash cows like the Montreal Jazz Fest, Just for Laughs and the Formula One Grand Prix.

“Rich douchebags are going to be disrupted by night demos,” activist Jaggi Singh told CP.

© 2012 The Nation

Allison Kilkenny is the co-host of the progressive political podcast Citizen Radio (wearecitizenradio.com) and independent journalist who blogs at allisonkilkenny.com. Her work has appeared in The American Prospect, the L.A. Times, In These Times, Common Dreams, Truthout and the award-winning grassroots NYC newspaper The Indypendent.

What Happened in Egypt’s Presidential Elections?

Weekend Edition May 25-27, 2012

What Happened in Egypt’s Presidential Elections?

The Sacking of a Revolution

by ESAM AL-AMIN

Fifteen months after millions of Egyptians -led by the revolutionary youth- were united in their demand to end a corrupt and suffocating dictatorship, they were now divided as they headed to the polls in the last two days in order to elect a new president. During this transitional period the Supreme Council of the Armed Forces (SCAF), which has ruled the country since Mubarak was deposed in February 2011, failed to uphold its promise of honoring the goals of the revolution by uprooting the corrupt elements of the former regime.

The unofficial results of the presidential elections show that the Muslim Brotherhood candidate Dr. Muhammad Mursi is headed to a runoff with Mubarak’s last Prime Minister and the anti-revolution candidate, Gen. Ahmad Shafiq. They received 24 and 23 percent of the votes, respectively. Meanwhile the two candidates supported by the revolutionary groups, Dr. Abdelmoneim Abol Fotouh and Hamdein Sabahi received 17 and 20 percent respectively, while former foreign minister Amr Moussa was a distant fifth with less than 11 percent.

So what happened and how can one understand these results?

•The revolutionaries were divided: There is no doubt that the failure of the revolutionary groups to unify their ranks and field a single candidate or a presidential ticket has cost them the chance to come out on top in this round and head for a runoff. Combined, both candidates received 37 percent, which would have guaranteed them victory in the first round had they run as president and vice president. But despite many efforts towards that end, both candidates refused to concede. Abol Fotouh argued that the country’s electorate has been favoring a candidate with an Islamist background, and thus he represented that consensus candidate who could bridge the divide between the Islamists and the secularists. Sabahi, on the other hand, argued that the country did not need another Islamist candidate after the results of the parliamentary elections, in which Islamists took 75 percent of the seats. In the last three weeks, Sabahi’s supporters mounted a ferocious campaign against Abol Fotouh, as they could only gain votes at his expense, since they could not have hoped to earn much support from the constituencies of Mursi (Muslim Brotherhood) or Shafiq (anti-revolutionaries fulool or remnants of the former regime). The tactic worked and observers believe that Sabahi may have doubled his numbers in the past few weeks, taking the lion’s share from Abol Fotouh.

•Low turnout: Despite the intense interest and the high stakes, it appears that most Egyptians are tired and simply did not show up. Some revolutionary groups have actually called for a boycott of the elections, arguing that the elections are meaningless without cleansing the state from the fulool or military control. During the parliamentary elections late last year, more than 27 million Egyptians participated. Although there are 51 million registered voters only an estimated 24 million cast their votes this time or about 47 percent as compared to 62 percent during the parliamentary elections.

•The Muslim Brotherhood went their own way: During the revolution all anti-Mubarak groups were united in their demands in ending the corrupt dictatorship. Although the MB was cautious in joining the revolution at the beginning, its subsequent participation proved crucial to the success of the revolution. But shortly thereafter, the MB broke the consensus of the revolutionary groups and went their own way, relying on their enormous ability to mobilize and organize. The tacit understanding with SCAF during most of last year – by abandoning at crucial times the demands of the revolutionary groups – created a deep mistrust between both parties. When the MB broke its pledge and decided to field a candidate, it relied primarily on its ability to mobilize its supporters. None of the revolutionary groups of Tahrir Square gave it their support. On the ground many of the MB supporters attacked Abol Fotouh, further alienating many Egyptian voters. The net effect was the demoralization of the supporters of the revolution. In the end the MB received this time less than 6 million votes as compared to more than 10 million votes during the parliamentary elections six months ago.

•The military’s candidate and the deep security state: Many analysts debated whether SCAF had its own candidate in this race. Although it declared that it did not favor a particular candidate, SCAF allowed the resources of the state to be utilized for Shafiq’s benefit. With the support of the state bureaucracy the security apparatus (which was rebuilt using its old elements and kept its connections with local officials who were never dismissed) mobilized their resources for the benefit of their preferred candidate. Many reports have surfaced in the Egyptian media that showed how army recruits, police officers, and state employees were instructed by their superiors to vote for Shafiq or, in the case of active military personnel – who are barred from voting – to have their families vote for him. The government gave all state employees Thursday off so that they could cast their vote for their preferred candidate.

In addition, since December the security and economic situation worsened deliberately by the SCAF-appointed government making ordinary Egyptians feel that the lack of security and continuing economic hardships were the direct consequences of the revolution. Even when they had voted for a new parliament, their conditions became worse not better. This allowed Shafiq to argue that once elected, he could bring security within 24 hours and that his law and order nature would bring economic prosperity.

Moreover, the elections commission, which re-instated Shafiq after he was banned from running by parliament, did not enforce its own laws regarding campaign financing. The elections commission set a ceiling of 10 million pounds from each presidential campaign. But it was clear that Shafiq’s campaign was spending hundreds of millions without any accountability. For instance, it was revealed that the cost of his billboards alone was 22 million pounds. He ran dozens of TV ads at the cost of 200,000 pounds each. The use of enormous amounts of money in politics in Egypt is not new. But this time its was taken to new heights without any accountability.

•The regrouping of the fullol: The machinery of Mubarak’s banned National Democratic Party (NDP) and corrupt businessmen was in full force once Shafiq declared his candidacy. Insiders report that the wife of former party director of organization, billionaire Ahmad Ezz (who supervised the 2010 elections fraud and is currently serving ten years for financial and political corruption with other charges pending) has paid 100 million pounds to local officials in the delta region to support Shafiq. In the heart of the delta where substantial number of poor Egyptian peasants live, local officials and mayors control every aspect of their lives. Many people have reported that these officials were paid millions to turn these peasants and their families to vote for Shafiq. In one telling moment, an Al-Jazeera correspondent asked a peasant why he voted for Shafiq and he replied that “I, along with the whole village were instructed to vote for Shafiq to bring security and prosperity.” He further said that “ I brought my family to vote for him as well.” In the five provinces in the heart of the delta, Shafiq received 2.5 million votes, or about 50 percent of his total support. By contrast, frontrunner Mursi received 1.7 million votes while Sabahi and Abol Fotouh received 1.3 million and 1 million votes, respectively. The fulool hope that by electing Shafiq he will eventually pardon all the corrupt former regime figures currently serving long sentences, including Mubarak and his sons if they are convicted. Others hope to regain the status they lost when the former regime was toppled.

•The role of the Sufis: Since the rise of the salafis during the parliamentary elections, a deep rift over theological beliefs and religious practices has taken place between the salafis and Sufi groups. There are about 12 million Egyptians who claim to belong to these Sufi traditions, especially in the Nile Delta region. The chiefs of these groups, whose livelihood depends on religious tourism, felt threatened by the rhetoric of the salafis who promised to end their “paganistic” ways. Shafiq exploited this rift and declared that he was also a Sufi and pledged to preserve their traditions. In return the Sufi chiefs declared their allegiance to him.

•The Christian vote: Although many Coptic Christians joined the revolution in toppling Mubarak, many of the Church and lay leaders have raised concerns about the rise of the Islamic groups. For many weeks, their leaders declared that they would support a “civil” candidate hinting that it would be Amr Moussa. However, last week several major figures declared that the overwhelming majority of Copts would vote for Shafiq because “he was the only one capable of stopping the rise of the Islamists” as one Christian leader declared. On Election Day, exit polls and observers confirmed that 70-80 percent of the Christian vote went to Shafiq. After the elections the acting head of the Coptic Church told al-Shrouk newspaper that he was aware of these reports and that he has suspended two senior officials in the Church pending an investigation.

So what’s next?

It is not clear how the eliminated revolutionary leaders will react to the election results. Although there is no evidence of direct frauds or vote rigging, clearly the role of the state’s authoritarian structures in influencing the outcome, as well as to the use of money to corrupt the political will of Egyptians cannot be denied. But no matter how they respond to the allegations, the elections commission will push ahead with next month’s runoff between Mursi and Shafiq. With the exception of the MB supporters, most people who support the revolution dread the day where they will be faced with the choice between the MB candidate and the fulool candidate.

But no matter what, Shafiq should never be allowed to win. In return for the support of Abol Fotouh and Sabahi supporters, the MB should offer a genuine gesture to the candidates and call for the unity of all the supporters of the revolution. But such offers must be more than empty rhetoric and need to contain meaningful acts of inclusiveness and magnanimity including offering them senior positions such as vice president or prime minister. If the MB thinks that it can win the presidency without the support of the revolutionary groups, it would be totally mistaken. Not only will the majority of Moussa’s supporters end up going to Shafiq, but now that the fulool have succeeded beyond their wildest expectations, they will double their efforts and employ more of their old tricks to guarantee a win, with the full backing of the military and state bureaucracy.

Only through regaining the determination of purpose and unity of action of those early days of the unfinished revolution can it remain alive. The MB cannot afford to botch this opportunity yet again. The alternative would likely be another revolution to replace the one that was sadly aborted.

Esam Al-Amin can be contacted at alamin1919@gmail.com

Tribute to my duplicate bridge PARTNER, mentor, and dearest and closest FRIEND - Tom Sucher

Friend, Partner, Mentor:
All these and more, you have been to me,
and hopefully I have been to you.

To know you is to understand
that at the core of your being
to be “your friend”
encompasses a life-long compact,
a commitment and a loyalty
quite rarer now
than in supposedly simpler times past
When a man's word and his good name
counted for everything.

These things I have come to know,
because of your teachings, 
You have lived them, by your steadfast examples;
by your consistency, and by your constancy.

Your highest compliment, you have said,
was given to you in a moment that would have
hurt and broken many not so given
to understand, that to “lose” a job
for having “too much imagination to be an 
insurance executive” was neither a set back nor a defeat,
but an Affirmation of the things which you
most Value and cherish.

The simple things: Family, Friends, Food, Laughter,
Music, Song, Beauty, Faith, Hope and Charity.
And the greatest of these,
the tie that binds,
the leitmotif which weaves its way
through the fabric of our beings;

The greatest of these, my Friend,
my Partner,
my Mentor,

The greatest of these, is Love,
Your Gift to us all.

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free,

'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,

And when we find ourselves in the place just right,

'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicit is gain'd,

To bow and to bend we shan't be ahsam'd,

To turn, turn will be our delight,

Till by turning, turning we come round right.

 

Reconnecting with a best buddy from kindergarden and first grade. There is really nothing quite like this experience. Best friends, boys, we haunted the streets, played in the elementary school playgroud, lost our hearts to the same most wonderful, beautiful young girl, whom all the boys in our class just worshipped. Then, to reconnect, after 55 years!

Your grandson in the Cat hat looks like one day he might just run the whole show. Samantha appears to be soundly sleeping, most unusual for a child so recently born. Obviously, she rest safe in arms of love.

My prayers go out to you and your family for the loss of your brother Jim. Keep telling his stories, and remembering all the wonderful times; this is how we keep our loved ones alive here on earth, in memory. Then picture him in heaven, looking down, front row center seats, he'll be there with you at Medinah, fo' sho', drinking in every aspect of that oh so hallowed and sacred grounds (I caddied there for a couple of years, and Ralph was heavily involved in caddie training the spring and summer of the year they held the U.S. Senior Open there; Dad came dangerously close to qualifying for the Senior Open, a triple bogey at 16 and a double bogey at 17 at Skokie Country Club left him two shots out of it. In fact, at one point in his qualifying round, he was three strokes up on the guy that would ultimately be the medalist!) Have you made lodging arrangements yet? We've got a guest room here in Barrington, which is about 30 minutes away. You have a standing invitation to stay here with us.

Good health, peace & blessings to you, and to all of those you love.

Mark (&Ralph) Ganzer

p.s. - I shot 75 at Makray Memorial Golf Course a couple of days ago, and have moved back from the ladies tees (which, I swear, measure 6800 yards no matter WHAT the card says - I've paced it and I've paced it and I've paced it), and thus have now moved back to the senior tees, where I shot 41 on the back nine yesterday. I can't get into trouble from the further back tees (most of which are 40-80 yards farther back than the lady's tees).

------------------------------------------------

04/16/12 12:22 AM
 

Hi Mark, Thank you for the kind words. My brother passed on the same day and hour as the birth of our grandaughter. I learned of his death from his son moments before my son stepped out of the delivery room to tell us the good news. A very difficult emotional moment. Yes, I have many stories to tell about my big brother. Many having to do with golf. Jim loved his golf. He got to play many of the championship courses in and around Phoenix, Denver and Colorado Springs after leaving Streator. He took a love for the game with him when he left. Our mother, grandfather and, yes, your father imprinted on him. He was a great playing partner - always supportive and frequently knocked it in when the "chips" were down. Now here's one story for you...the Ganzers had left Streator by 1964 when the SHS golf team went up against the highly favored Peoria-area teams on their own course for the prize of competing at the state meet. As sixth man, Jim was last to be picked for the trip. His score was not expected to count in the best four scores for the team. As the day unfolded the top three Streator players turned in very competitive scores, but disappointedly, neither the fourth nor the fifth man's scores were good enough to get them to Champaign. But wait...word was that Jim was still on the course and having a pretty good round. A teammate quickly did the math and got to him on the 17th tee. He needed to birdie 17 and 18 and Streator was on their way to state. When he made the last birdie putt on the 18th, Steve Myers grabbed the nearest pay phone and called my mother screaming that Streator was going to state. (By the way, two of the players went on to finish well individually at state, and later played in college. Those names, I'm sure, would be known to your dad because he likely had taught and coached them in the earlier years-John Bailey and Dave Wargo.) I am really looking forward to the Ryder Cup. I'm praying for good weather as I am part of the Evacuation Team responsible for getting the players and caddies off the course in inclimate weather. I figure the better the weather the more of the event I will get to see. Thank you for the offer of accomodations, I am voluntering with a couple of friends and one has a home nearby so he has offered to put us up. I still would like to get together with you for a round of golf. 2012, irrespective of the great weather, has been full of life events so far that have preempted me getting on the course. And it won't slow down. Presently, I'm waiting for a third grandchild to arrive any day. And as I write, I have just learned that Jim's wife has suffered a heart attack in Colorado. In spite of it all, would you be interested in a game in May or June? Best wishes to you and your dad! Bill    -------------------------------------------------------------------------   Bill, you're such a wonderful writer. Birdied 17 & 18 -- talk about composure under pressure! May or June are GOOD - the only question then is this: your place or mine or somewhere in between. I don't drive, but I do know how to ride train. Makray is a very special golf course - it is my favorite! Dad and I are so proud to be able to play it (we get a huge discount - for alll dad's years a a member at the predecessor course, Thunderbird Country Club where he was a many-time club champion. And for whatever reasons, the owner, Paul Makray Jr has deemed it to be that dad and I will continue to play for cheap ... and every man and woman that works there will tell you ... they are convinced that dad playing there, and playing with me, has added quality time to his life, his mental outlook, and has given him something to look forward to each and every day. There kindness and generosity is not lost upon me, and I always thank them for this unique opportunity they have given us to re-bond on the links, sharing that interest in the game, but mostly enjoying each other's company. Dad, in fact, has become quite the stand up comic. He gave a variation on a line I first heard Andy North mutter ("better than a good one") the other day: WORSE THAN A BAD ONE -- (he tried to make a down hill 8 footer, ended up with 25 feet coming back, but ALMOST (the operative word0 made the first one! So I'll see you soon my friend (we also have a delightful park district 5-hold par 3 course with a 245-yard, uphill, OB and water left, trees right hole that you either have to hit a 100-foot high drive to clear the trees, OR a 30 yard draw to hook it around the trees, OR a 20 yard fade / cut to take it over the rail road tracks when the wind blows from the South, which is followed by a 225 yard straight forward par 3, which I probably birdie more than any other hole out there (by comparison, it is easy, way easier than the predecessor hole, and I don't have to hit a 30-yard draw from 142 yards to avoid the tree branches like one needs to do on the last hole. But, when no one is around, and this occurs frequently, you can manufacture a 598 par 5 - just go all the way back past the ball fields and the park bench to the place by the bid tree, grip it, rip it, and then play the 3rd hole (the 245-yar par 3)! Ideally, we play 2 balls for the five holes before we go to Makray, to get the kinks out. This ought to be mandatory! I would be interested in having the opportunity to see you, to catch up, to talk, to reminisce, and to dream, any time - golf would just be extra frosting on that cake. Be well my friend the Lord loves us and blesses us in so many ways. I will kkeep your sister-in-law in my prayers. Dad loved your letter - and oh yes, he remembers John Bailey and Dave Wargo (the Wargo's always were one of his favorite families from Streator, as have been the Arbogasts - VERY special. He had a great talk with your sister at one of the reunions With Love to You, and All You LOVE, Mark & Ralph Ganzer.

 

My Face Book Friend Michelle wants five children (she has three) and she is debating when to bring the 4th and 5th into the world. Not everyone is encouraging of her in this regards. Several people cite "money - the expense of raising children" as the reason for not having more children, or, for cutting off at 3, or 4 at most. PSAW, says I. You want 'em, you go make 'em kid. Beucase I already KNOW you are one hell of a mother, you have one hell of a husband, and you WILL make it work!

LONG time ago, my youngest sister Marianne and I were talking, and we both agreed, we wanted no kids.  Marianne's reason was that the world is such a harsh, cruel place.  My reason was more selfish; I didn't want to foul up a kid as badly as my folks fouled up their kids, doing nothing particularly wrong (except for the part about willful ignorance).  

WELL, it turns out, that both Marianne and I have some parenting chops.  

After learning how to make unanticipated babies just a month shy of my 33rd birthday (and, trust me, I stopped doing it), my ex-wife and I were blessed with a son, Adam James, who literally SAVED BOTH OF OUR LIVES.  He gave her something to love and care for that needed her nurturing ways; he gave me healing - he's been reaching out and touching old, bedraggled, boozer, homeless, stinking old men ever since he was one year, two weeks, and one day old.   

Marianne's wife brought into their marriage a daughter, and so it was given unto Marianne, almost 20 years ago, the great joys and delights of being the disciplinarian mother to a precocious 7 year old, who is a minor internet phenom for having written, at her charter school, in response to the question: "What is a family?"  this answer:  "A family, I think, is a lot of people, or maybe not so many, that love each other."  

One son was more than enough for me (didn't hurt that he had 3 cousins who all used to come over to our house on Saturdays, where, we literally, did NOTHING, EXCEPT, talk, play cards, play video games, eat, drink, engage in free speech, watch incredibly poorly chosen movies (all the way through, dammit, if they were gonna have night mares, they were gonna have night mares about what really happened in the movie, and not about why they imagined might have happened, had I pulled the plug) ... and THOSE GLORIOUS DAYS, those were the best days of my life:  just the five of us boys, hangin' out, the four of them total engaged and invested in one another, and me, room service, and privy to each and every conversation, each and every swear, each and every drop of blood leaking from the video game slaughters.  THOSE GLORIOUS DAYS (and I knew they one day would end, but, what a friggin' run I had!).

Maybe I am one of the poor slobs who was predestined to perdition because I couldn't believe God wasn't really something better than a vindictive hard ass

(This is me writing to a former little league team mate, Jack, after having caught up with his auto-biographical notes for the graduating class of 1969 which included so many of my grade school classmates from the town in which I grew up and was raised):

I started out at WIU as a music major, but music majors (with vocal emphasis) had to take 24 more credit hours to graduate than did any other major at any of the departments. And anyway, all I wanted to with my music was to play it. So I took the easy way out and switced my major to math, told everyone I would become an actuary upon graduating, and did. Made a lot of money, too, by most peoples' stamdards. Then one day, it hit my like a ton of bricks - I was counting the sick, counting the dead, raising premiums on the aged and the infirm, and helping to design and price manipulative products to be sold by the unscrouplous to the unwary. And now, I am about to begin another iteration of my career, merging my love of making music with fund-raising for 1st responders, village & park district employees, and public education.s AND I SLEEP very well at night. Mark Jack writes back: I am back into playing music too. I have memories of great emotional connection with audiences and really taking people to places they could not otherwise go. So far I have not had that kind of experience. Maybe it was all in my own head, or maybe I lost it or just have not recaptured it. I will keep at it and see what happens. After my message to you I remembered that your father had been a much admired teacher (Math as I recall), but that he had left Streator High a year or two before I started in 1964. So that meant you would have left town before you went to high school and never attended SHS or were in the SHS band. I have a few strong recollections of you, and I recall that you were a really nice guy. Do you remember that Dave Raymond and I used to call you "Walkee" because, as a batter, you would avoid swinging, hoping to get a walk so you could get on base. I wasn't much of a hitter and the only time I ever got on base was on an error or fielder's choice. I have a recollection of you hitting grounders to me once in the infield. So you would have been eleven years old and I was twelve when we played on the same team. I have a twelve year old and it struck me that you were a lot more mature, as I remember you, than he seems to me to be, and I suppose I remember myself as more mature as well. It may be that I don't appreciate the full depth and complexity of my son's inner life, and the interaction he has with his peers may be pretty much what I experienced. What sort of music are you doing? Do you play alone? I play guitar, electric and acoustic, and sing songs from the fifties, and sometimes earlier up to the ninties or so.  It is good that you can make some money doing it. I don't really make much money--just enough to help pay for equipment, gas, strings, my wife's dinner tab if she shows up.  As a judge I felt some ambivalence about being part of some of the injustice that has become law. I justified it because I was acting as a professional, and I felt a certain humility about it that prevented me from substituting my own personal views, rather than professionally determining what the law was and following it. I wasn't certain enough that I was right that I was prepared to nullify the law established by the people, pathetic as the results of democracy sometimes are, and make my own law. Of course I may have just been rationalizing, because there was always plenty of pressure to be a right wing ass hole. If you sentence a guy to a long term in prison, everybody, including the clerks, bailiffs, and the janitors come up and tell you "Good Job!" If you give somebody a break and give him probation nobody says a thing to your face, but you find out people are running your ass down behind your back, and even distoring the facts to make you look even worse. So, all in all, I am glad to be out of the business of dispensing retribution on behalf of an unforgiving and Draconian society. AS I was doing it every day, I didn't even consciously feel any stress or conflict, but after I was out of it I experienced a delayed reaction, and realized I had been internally in dissonance with myself. I had a family to support and five kids to put through college and being a judge provided nicely for those needs. I had lots of free time to spend with the family, and it was well worth the price I paid, but I am relieved to be out of it. From your remarks, it appears that God is something very real to you. I have never had much faith. I have studied a lot about religion and the history of Christianity. I have been trying to sort out those portions of it that are clearly of human origin, as opposed to the things that might actually come from and relate to God. Of course all of it, other than what one might experience in the form of revelation or internal communication from the Holy Spirit,comes from another person, whether it be the Gospels or the letters of Paul, who was a murdering persecuting religious fanatic, before he supposedly was spoken to by the Lord on the road the Damascus. As a Criminal Defense attorney I met a few people over the years to whom the Lord had supposedly spoken, so I am sceptical of the breed, particularly when, like Paul, they have a history of violence for the honor and glory of God. So far the best I can do is to conceive of God as the most perfect idea and entity I can imagine, without the traditional human flaws projected upon him, such as wanting people to bow down and worship him, and punishing people for eternity because they can't believe in him. Maybe I have faith that God isn't just the great feudal baron in the sky, imagined by a midieval society, and coincidentally demanding of his creatures, the same duties owed by vassal to Lord: fealty and obedience. Anyway, that is what my defense will be, if there really is an afterlife and one is judged by the standards of the Reverand Jerry Fallwell. Maybe I am one of the poor slobs who was predestined to perdition because I couldn't believe God wasn't really something better than a vindictive hard ass.  As I am so oft' wont to do, I replied, totally lacking in originality, with the song lyrics from Jethro Tull's Aqua Lung Album (Wind Up): When I was younger and they packed me off to school And they taught me how not to play the game I didn't mind it if they groomed me for success Or if they said that I was just a fool So to my old head master, and to any who cares Before I'm through I'd like to say my prayers I don't believe you,  you've got the whole damned thing all wrong, He's not the kind that you had to wind up on Sundays. So I left there in the morning, with their god tucked underneath my arm, their half-assed smiles, and the book of rules So I asked this God a question,  and by way of firm reply, He said, "I'm not the kind that you have to wind up on Sundays." So you can excommunicate me On my way to Sunday school, let all the preachers harmonize these lines: How can you tell me that I am my father's son When that was just an accident of birth I'd rather look around me, compose a better song 'Cuz that's the honest measure of my worth In your pomp and all your glory You're a poorer man than me as you lick the boots of death born our of fear. When I was younger and they packed me off to school And they taught me how not to play the game I didn't mind it if they groomed me for success Or if they said that I was just a fool So to my old head master, and to any who cares Before I'm through I'd like to say my prayers I don't believe you,  you've got the whole damned thing all wrong, He's not the kind that you had to wind up on Sundays. So I left there in the morning, with their god tucked underneath my arm, their half-assed smiles, and the book of rules So I asked this God a question,  and by way of firm reply, He said, "I'm not the kind that you have to wind up on Sundays." So you can excommunicate me On my way to Sunday school, let all the preachers harmonize these lines: How can you tell me that I am my father's son When that was just an accident of birth I'd rather look around me, compose a better song 'Cuz that's the honest measure of my worth In your pomp and all your glory You're a poorer man than me as you lick the boots of death born our of fear. I don't believe you, you've got the whole damned thing all wrong! He's not the kind, that you have to wind up on Sundays. Jack replies, almost immediately.  Aha!, Thinks I. A KINDRED SPIRIT! I recall hearing Ian Anderson sing that song at the University of Illinois Assembly Hall in the winter of 1971-72. I can understand a person getting angry at the religion and social and political dogmas that have permeated his consciousness. The reason we get angry is that even though we think it through, those ideas are still there working and affecting our emotions, in spite of our efforts to reject them. But the fact is, we humans are social animals and there is very little of us that does not involve interacting with others. Most of what we do, we do to try to impress somebody, and sometimes the people we try to impress are our parents, even a quarter century after their deaths, or some peers we remember from high school, whom we haven't seen in decades. But those folks are there in our imaginations, watching and judging us, and we are still trying to prove we are worthy of their respect and admiration. A person has to make the best of it, and try to get along with the burden of culture that he must carry through life, and perhaps carve some sort of identity and meaning out of the material reality and all the social bullshit. I would like to believe that God, if it exists, is not the personification of all the worst human traits- vindictive, authoritarian, and the greatest imaginable ego tripper. But it is hard to cast off six thousand years of Western Culture, create my own alternative culture, and really believe in it. I think it most likely that when we die our consciousness stops, the molecules in our body are recycled through the biosphere, and that is the end of us. If I am right, I will never know I was right. If I am wrong I will, according to the rules of the wind up God of our culture, be tortured forever for not arriving at a required state of belief. Conventional Wisdom is almost always wrong, so it is probably wrong about the nature of God, and I think it unlikely I will be tortured forever. I try not to feel angry about the disturbing notions my culture has infused into my consciousness. This is the way it has always been in human history. That is just the way we people are. We have to have religion to satisfy our need for cause and effect, and also as a means of social control, to justify the positions of the ruling class and to con the serf class into working their asses off and getting those same asses shot off fighting to protect and expand the holdings of the rulers. We also need the promise of pie in the sky to compensate us for having to eat shit on the earth. Actually, we in this particular time and place in history, have it better than any working serf class has ever had it and we don't have to eat too much shit. So the sensible thing to do is to enjoy this great opportunity we have to experience what life has to offer. I have a nice wife, wonderful kids, access to lots of books, fairly good health for an old fart, and I am retired and will probably never have to work again. My turn to exist and be conscious is about three fourths done, but I still have that one fourth left, and so I will try to savor it before the merry-go-round stops and they haul me off in a box. I think what I am describing here is something like Epicureanism.