This is a new John Franklin Ganzer story
I just first heard told, although, by now, it is 24 years old!
My
youngest sister Marianne was in town last week (28 April, 2012 - 5 May, 2012). She spent about 50
hours doing all the things that needed to be done to create "Anne's
Garden" along the south wall of the house, which overlooks the
fence between us and the neighbors on the South side of the house,
where resides Anne's lovingly crafted / created "John's Garden."
Marianne
told a John Ganzer story I'd never heard before.
Very
shortly before John died, he called Marianne and his partner Jay
Poindexter together to tell them something "very serious."
"Under no circumstances," began John, "is Kevin
MacInerney to be allowed to serve nacho chips at my memorial
service." John and Jay had attended so many memorial services,
and they had decided there would be nothing "cheesy" about
John's; nothing declassé!
And
then a week or so before he died, John called Marianne into the room
to tell her / show her, where his will was kept, because he knew the
time was soon coming, and he wanted to make sure that she knew.
After
he died, Marianne and Jay were having a meeting with Kevin (who had
been tasked with making the memorial services preparations) and as he
was joyously telling them everything that was to be for the
celebration, Marianne had to put her foot down: Keven, John insisted
that there be NO NACHO CHIPS! Jay supported her in this.
Keven
went apoplectic! OH COURSE there are to be nacho chips. John had it
written into h is will!
"Kevin,"
says Marianne, calmly, I KNOW where the will is located.
"But,
it's right in there! It's right in there!" Kevin insisted.
"Keven,
do you really want to force me to go and get out the will and read it
to prove that you are badly off the mark and mistaken about this
matter? Because I KNOW where the will is, and I WILL go and read it,
right here and now!"
"It's
in the will! It's in the will!" gasps Kevin.
"Okay,"
says Marianne, "You have brought this all upon yourself Kevin."
So,
she gets it, and starts reading. "Page one, Kevin. No mention
of nacho chips. Page two, Kevin; page three; page four."
And
as she began to read page five, her eyes came upon an ink embossed,
hand written note, saying, "And provided that Kevin PROMISES to
use GLASS wine glasses, he can go ahead and also serve nacho chips."
For,
you see, it was the PLASTIC WINE GLASSES that most terrified John, as
leaving a mark of pastiche, of unsophistication, entirely unwarranted
for one who had performed in all 743 on Broadway performances of
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
And
simultaneously, Kevin, Jay, and Marianne start belly laughing so
loudly, that the neighbors are afraid the cops have come to raid the
whore house on the third floor of that rent-controlled New York City
apartment that Jay and John shared. They are literally in tears, on
the floor, rolling around, damn near like crazed beasts.
OH
JOHN! You little rascal. Must been a pretty good day, you all alone
here, thinking, to yourself, "hey, this is a pretty good day,
all things considered. I'd like to do something FUN! I'd like to do
something mischievous. What in the world can I do, to really trick
my beloved sister, my beloved partner, and my dear dear friend, who
are all doing so much for me, and will have so much to do after I am
gone? I've GOT IT! I've GOT IT! I will pull the all time trick on
them; not a one of them shall see it coming! Oh what joy and delight
there will be in heaven as the angels and we all gother to watch the
conversation that will ensue once Marianne and Jay insist to Kevin
that there will be NO NACHOS to be served at my memorial. What
delightful joy theree will be in heaven upon that glorious day. Hee
hee hee! Ha ha ha! I just LOVE MY LIFE!"
