Restore sex and intimacy in relationship
Last Modified: Mar 28, 2011 06:46PM
Great sex can take your breath away, but a new study shows that it might even take your life!
The study, which was published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, found that there is a link between sex and cardiac arrest. However, this link is strongest for people who don’t have sex on a regular basis.
In fact, the researchers found that people who do not have sex on a regular basis have three times the risk of myocardial infarction when compared to people who do. Hence, not only can sporadic sex negatively impact your relationship, it can also put your very life at risk.
Despite the importance of sex (and exercise in general), many people struggle to find time for intimacy in their busy schedules. And the less often you have sex, the less sexual you feel and the less sexual energy is generated between you and your partner.
Sadly, when sex goes out the window, intimacy tends to as well. Affection, romance and all those little pet names become forgotten, and instead you start treating your partner like a platonic roommate. Not only will this chip away at your happiness, it also will cause a deep rift between you and your partner and put your bond at risk.
If this sounds familiar, don’t worry. It is possible to stop this vicious cycle and restore both sex and intimacy in your relationship. Here’s how:
Try therapy. People often think that therapy means that their relationship is broken or that there is something wrong with them. These fears prevent them from seeking help when they need it. In fact, some people wait until it is too late and their issues are simply too pervasive and painful to fix.
It is much easier and simpler to tackle your issues (particularly sexual issues) head-on and right away. The longer you wait, the more complicated and troublesome your issues become.
Seeking therapy doesn’t mean that you and your partner aren’t a good couple or that you aren’t in love. Instead, it means that you value your marriage and each other’s happiness, and that you want to protect that bond above all else. To find a couples or sex therapist in your area, visit www.aasect.org.
Call a timeout. If your sex life has been on the rocks for a while, or it has been a bone of contention between you and your partner for months or even years, it’s time to call a sex timeout. It sounds counterintuitive, but by taking sex off the table, you can remove the stress, pressure and guilt from your bedroom.
Use this timeout to talk about your physical issues and confront the hidden desires that you have never shared with your partner.
When you come back after your timeout (a month is a doable time period for most couples), you can greet each other with a fresh physical fervor and an open heart. Therapy also can be a valuable resource during your timeout.
Get creative. No matter how busy you are, you can find time for sex in your schedule. You just have to get creative. Set your alarm 20 minutes earlier than you usually do and start the day with some morning lovin’. Or hop in the shower with your partner as you both get ready for work.
If evenings are hectic, meet up for an afternoon delight if possible. Not only will it keep you connected, it also will add some spice and excitement to an otherwise ordinary work day.
Remember, sex doesn’t always have to be a marathon session or involve a bunch of different positions. Maintenance sex (which is quick, focused and to the point) can keep you bonded during busy times, and then you can have those long, wild sex sessions when you have more time on your hands.
Dr. Berman hosts “In The Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman” at 9 p.m. Mondays on OWN and “The Dr. Laura Berman Show” from 4 to 6 p.m. weekdays on Oprah Radio (on XM 156/Sirius 195). She is the author of It’s Not Him, It’s You.
Copyright © 2011 — Sun-Times Media, LLC
