Gail collins is so bored, she decides to start writing about the US Presidential Primaries, a tad early
January 14, 2011
Presidential Primary Book Club
This is the time when presidential candidates start poking their little noses up through the snow, and making soft, trilling noises. I know you think it’s too soon, even though Mitt Romney made his intentions clear on the family Christmas card. But as a public service, I am going to start providing summaries of the latest books from the potential Republican nominees so we’ll all be well educated by the time the debates begin.
We need to get going because there’s no way I’m going to read more than one a month. Let’s begin today with the newest entry out of the chute:
“Courage to Stand: An American Story,” by Tim Pawlenty.
Pawlenty, the former governor of Minnesota, helps us to get to know his beloved home state. (“There are a lot of differences from one region to the next. But there are a lot of similarities, too.”) And although there are very serious sections about the deficit and the evils of Obamacare, he wants us to know that he’s a humorous guy, too.
Examples of Tim Pawlenty’s Fun-Loving Side:
¶Introduced to a man who had just been fitted for a new hearing aid, Pawlenty decided to josh him by “moving my lips as if I were talking but without saying anything so he’d think something was wrong.”
¶Made fun of a North Dakota hockey team while wearing a Gophers jersey.
¶While walking the family dog on the day McCain chose Sarah Palin to be his running mate, Pawlenty bent down to clean up after his pet and told himself: “Well, this is the only No. 2 I’ll be picking up today.”
¶Attempted to tell his “No. 2” joke to Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog on the Conan O’Brien show. Dismayed when the joke never aired.
On the very first page of his introduction, Pawlenty tells us: “My family was eating breakfast one morning, discussing Greece and its financial trouble.” This is a pretty impressive start, and if you see the man known to his fans as “T-Paw” in a Republican debate this year, I want you to remember that he is the one who eats breakfast with his wife and two daughters, and that the meal does not consist of grunts, snorts and evasive replies to questions about finished homework.
Chapter 1 depicts Pawlenty’s Inauguration Day, with a great deal of attention paid to the outgoing governor, Jesse “The Body” Ventura, a former professional wrestler. This is possibly because the guy who helped Pawlenty write “Courage to Stand” previously performed the same chores for Hulk Hogan.
Anyway, Pawlenty asks Ventura if he has any advice for him, and Ventura says: “Nope.” This is definitely a book highlight.
One important theme of “Courage to Stand” is Pawlenty’s love of hockey. This may not be the best possible sport for a presidential aspirant, since, in my experience, a candidate for high office wearing a hockey helmet and those big shoulder pads looks kind of silly. But actually, I am only going on John Kerry.
Things Tim Pawlenty likes besides hockey:
¶“U.S. News & World Report.”
¶John McCain.
¶Bruce Springsteen.
¶Hockey fights. (“Occasionally if I really need a good mental break ... I’ll sit at the computer when I’m home at night and pop over to hockeyfights.com to watch a few of the latest videos.”)
Pawlenty met his wife, Mary, in law school. I was really looking forward to this part since he has taken to referring to her at public events as “my red-hot smokin’ wife.” However, in the book she turns out to be a hard-working district judge who can always supply an appropriate Bible passage in times of crisis.
Before you know it, they’re starting a family and he is campaigning door to door for state representative. “One big dog actually lunged at me, and I defended myself by sticking my stack of brochures in his face. He ended up biting the stack and left teeth marks in the pamphlets!” Pawlenty writes. This is the second high point of the book.
Pawlenty was elected and did well in the State Capitol. (“I like people.”) Then he decided to run for governor.
We will skip over “the longest endorsing convention in the state’s history” and just point out that Pawlenty’s campaign theme was no new taxes. For sure. Really, none.
Becoming governor, Pawlenty writes, was like being “pushed into a high-speed turbowasher” and also like “a bullet-train ride on a roller-coaster track.” This is the critical nexus of the book where, despite a massive shortfall, he stands up to the big-tax Democrats and figures out how to balance the budget solely by making cuts.
Which he says he did. But he actually doesn’t explain how, except to point out that the Democrats were really, really ticked off when he gloated.
Also, that bridge that fell down in Minneapolis? Totally and completely not in any way his fault.
