In the "to be filed re" "You know it's gonna be a bad day when" category, I've been victimized by the "there's no such thing as a free lunch" syndrome. I flat out told Dr. goldman that everytime anyone ever tried to do something nice to me that I never asked for I ended up a resentful victim. So, eight weeks ago he said we'd go to twice mon thly sessions from once every four weeks, but he' only charge me for every other visit. We were going to experiment with the anti-depressant levels to help me find the missing "joie do vivre."
So we doubled the imipramine from 100 mg daily to 200 mg. Coontrary to the instructions, I took my 100 mg in the morning - they kept me awake - or at least I didn't sleep when I took them in the evening. So, two weeks later, I still wasn't at an appropriate (for whom?) energy level, we we increased to 300 mg daily. Then because of circumstances beyond my control, I went about 36 hours wihtout sleep, had to get up early to work my crummy food service job, didn't fall asleep rightaway and then had to wake up to see my shrink and I was slightly wired. The doctor was frightened I was going to have a manic episode so he said to cut back to 200 mg. -- But wait a minute! - I didn't want to go to 300 mg at all. I don't like taking pills, and I had told the doctor this two weeks earlier, although he just pooh poohed it.
Well, my prescription had run out, so I didn't fill it right away. There have been some improvements in the anti-depressants available over the last decade. Ihad no adverse side effects. So, I quit taking them. That's been about a month now. Chances are I'll get preetty squirrely around December / January, but that's not unusual.
So, two weeks ago, I saw the doctor again. He said he just couldn't understand where I was coming from. No, that's not right - he couldn't understand the way Ithink. Well Jesus H Christ! That's not impossible to understand, is it? His reference was shy (now that the pills have straightened me out) I'm not using my talents, etc, etc, doing something more financially meaningful etc, etc. Well, I've already told him:
1) My only sense ofo "power" as pathetic as it might be, and as impotent, derives from being a lowly cleak. This is my only reventge on everyone who would have had me hospitalized or force fed medication. Their assumption was that once I got my mind right (medicated) UI would go back to my "old self." WRONG! Medicating me just makes me medicated, and"
at this point, the gospel ended ... but I have locatedsomewhere the follow up pages ... which I will publish as soon asI re-located them
Blessings upon you all,
With Love,
Mark
