Last Modified: Mar 28, 2011 07:47PM
Julie and Ryan met in junior high, but they didn’t begin to date until they had both been twice married and divorced. There was so much Julie loved about Ryan — she thought he was the one — but there was one thing that was holding her back. She didn’t trust him.
Ryan had admitted he had cheated on his wives, so Julie was on her guard. When he started telling little white lies, she began to doubt him. Finally, she broke up with him.
Julie asked us what we thought:
DANA: Some geneticists believe there’s a “cheater’s gene.” God forbid if science finds a cure for male horniness before cystic fibrosis.
Ryan has a lot in common with Michael Jordan. Michael cannot walk across a basketball court without showing that he still “has it.” Ryan probably is always going to be someone who will succumb to the urge to prove that he still “has it.”
LAUREN: She should listen to her gut and hold back her heart. This guy just isn’t that into her. Never was. Sure, he may have been shy in the seventh grade, but what about high school, when most teens start dating? If he still liked her, he would have sought her out then.
I can understand why he turns to the Cookie Lady for comfort after his divorce from a long-term marriage. My feeling is that she’s the transition woman here, and after he’s had his fill of tea and sympathy, he’ll move on.
By the way, those lunches, etc., before his divorce weren’t platonic if he was talking about his sexual exploits. That was just his way of talking dirty to her. Obviously, it worked better than the direct proposition.
ALLISON: Jeepers, Julie, yes, it’s possible for a man (or anyone) to change a lifelong set of behaviors. But your gut’s got a better grasp on reality than your head does! No concrete evidence? Someone who’s truly wanting to change a lifelong set of dishonesty is going to be scrupulously honest (no small lies) and look a little deeper into their motivation than “men like to spread their seed.”
For what it’s worth, this comes from someone who’s trusting of the men who deserve to be trusted.
HEATHER: If Julie wants a sincere and committed relationship, Ryan isn’t the guy. Sure, it’s possible for somebody to change, but not unless they have been through some major situation that causes them to change. For example, does he admit his cheating ruined his other marriages? Or was everything the fault of his ex-wives? Some men learn by their mistakes, while others just keep repeating them.
CRICKET: I don’t think Ryan was shy even in the seventh grade. That’s just an excuse for the truth that he just wasn’t that into her, even back then.
I had an old boyfriend who tried to come back into my life, claiming he hadn’t really meant to dump me or whatever. He was just “confused.” What happened? He got “confused” again and dumped me twice! I was silly to listen to his stupid excuse for his bad behavior the first time.
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